


Best Case Scenario

by elenathehun



Category: Naruto
Genre: Changing of the Guard, Gen, Generation Gap, Male-Female Friendship, Politics, Team Tobirama, Treason, Women Being Awesome, Women In Power, adorable pigs, alternate universe - always a different hokage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-07-19 22:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7380916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elenathehun/pseuds/elenathehun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scenes from the lives of five people who were never Hokage - for better or for worse.</p><p>Chapter 1: Uchiha Kagami faces down "Uchiha Madara" during his successor's labor pains.  It doesn't go well...for the impersonator.<br/>Chapter 2: In which ROOT is dealt with somewhat more expeditiously than in canon, the natural order of a military oligarchy is restored, friendship has the power to overcome (nearly) everything, and there are a lot of really adorable pigs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sight Unseen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uchiha Kagami faces down "Uchiha Madara" during his successor's labor pains. It doesn't go well...for the impersonator.

_"There's only seven of us, including the Hokage," Homura said, voice taut with tension. "There's no way..."_

_"They don't know our exact location yet," Utanane said, always the voice of reason. "We should lie in wait for them and take them by surprise, giving us a chance to escape."_

_"That won't work," Kagami said heavily. "Someone will have to lure them away."_

_"A decoy, eh?" Torifu said, snorting. "Whoever it is, they won't survive."_

_There is a heavy pause in the clearing. No one looks at each other._

_"Well, I made the suggestion, I might as well carry it through. I think we all know I'm the best with misdirection in our little party, right?"_

_The others look solemn - except for Lord Tobirama. He's smiling a bit, and Kagami doesn't understand how he can look so joyful at a time like this._

_"That won't be necessary, Kagami. I will be the decoy; you six must return to the village to lead it into the future..."_

* * *

After the succession ceremony, Kagami and his wife skipped town. Well, all right, _Kagami_ skipped town - Himiko had applied for a formal leave-of-absence three weeks before, and persnickety Nori in the scheduling department had finally given formal authorization two days before the ceremony, so technically, it was only _Kagami_ who was absent without leave. On the other hand, Kagami had just retired after over thirty years of service in a position of supreme authority. Couldn't an argument be made that at this point, he had retired from the entire military structure?

"If you have enough time to think of a complex set of rationalizations for Shimura when he inevitably hunts you down and murders you, then you have enough time to wander around to the other side of that encampment for observation," Himiko said, dark eyes holding more than a hint of laughter in their depths.

"That's not what I was thinking about," Kagami firmly denied. "Why do you always say that when I'm just thinking?"

"The first time you ever spoke more than six words to me outside of a formal family event, you stumbled into my assault team's bi-monthly forest melee, dove headfirst into one of my wire traps, and hung there upside down with that exact look on your face," Himiko said, dry as a desert.

"I was thinking about what a great trap I was in, and trying to think of who I know who could have done it, so I could throw myself at their feet and beg for instruction," Kagami protested.

"That's funny," Himiko said, "because I remember you desperately begging me to _lie_ to your honorable teammate and pretend you'd been strung up twice as long - something about a debriefing you'd skipped out early from?"

"That doesn't sound like me," Kagami said. "I'm sure I would never do such an irresponsible thing."

"And I'm sure you would," she shot back. They would have continued in that vein for awhile yet - years of marriage had made their arguments ritualized affairs - if the encampment of rogue nin they were observing hadn't suddenly burst into frenzied activity. 

"Hold," Kagami said, serious once again, and both he and Himiko activated their Sharingan and peered into the camp. The source of the disturbance was clear - Susumu, the Third Mizukage, was striding through the camp, a small retinue following in his wake.

"Amaterasu rages," Himiko swore. "I didn't _disbelieve_ the Hatake boy, but I was sure he must have been mistaken. The war is over, and Mist _did not_ come out the better for it; why would Mist nin be here on the border, instead of retrenching in their own stronghold? It makes no sense."

"I think the better question is - why Susumu would even sanction this mission? He's nearly 70 years old, and he's always been the most cautious of our generation. Sealing the Isobi....well, even if it worked as planned, it would take years for the beast's chakra to re-condense. It's a singularly wasteful way of using a tailed beast, and Mist is in no condition to just throw them away," Kagami muttered. "It really is most curious."

" _Don't_ speak that way, you sound just like Hiruzen when you use that phrase," Himiko complained, her pinwheel eyes spinning counter-clockwise. "Is it just me, is there something strange about his chakra pathways? They look _blurry_ , of all things."

Kagami hummed thoughtfully. "You know, if I didn't know better, I would say Susumu is under a genjutsu of some kind."

"How could that be possible?" Himiko questioned skeptically. "He's the Third Water Shadow; the man is the only still-living attendee of the first Five Kage summit. During the first war, I saw him put a battalion under a mass genjutsu and cut their throats in less than ten minutes!

"I know, but he's also old," Kagami said thoughtfully. "When it comes to withstanding genjutsu, stamina is key; he may simply not have enough anymore. But I still don't know who could put him under in the first place.

"Another Kage?" Himiko suggested intently. "Surely someone of that level could do it."

"...No. Aside from yours truly, how many SS-level nin do you know who have specialized in genjutsu?" Kagami asked sardonically. "Besides that, they'd have to remain quite near him almost constantly to maintain control - and Susumu's coils are starting to show the signs of long-term degradation if I'm diagnosing him right. No, it has to be someone in his personal retinue. Do you recognize the members of his staff?"

"Some of them," Himiko said. "I count four people carrying Mizu's swords; they've filled another slot since the ceasefire started. I think the woman with senbon in her hair is Yamane, the poisoner-"

"-no, I recognize her from Torifu's dossiers. that's Hidaka, the water ninjutsu expert - quite a rising star, as I recall. The woman next to her, with the old-fashioned veils, is Yamane - apparently, they like to switch clothes on diplomatic trips. So that's six out of the nine-" 

There is a lengthy pause as they continue to peer at the camp for a few moments, and Himiko sighs silently. "I don't recognize any of the others, but they don't have the look of illusionists about them. You?"

Kagami frowned. "No, I don't recognize any of them, and that's what worries me. I don't recognize _any_ high-level genjutsu experts in the Mizukage's party, and I know most of the good ones by sight, even today. Has Susume ever traveled without at least _one_ of his senior apprentices with him? I don't even see-"

Himiko's hand lightly rested on his wrist, and she lightly tapped the old code for _intruder_. In an instant, Kagami rolled away from her, and she from him, which was fortunate, because a cloaked maniac wearing rather old-fashioned armor and a mask, of all things, stabbed a naginata right where Kagami's neck used to be. Himiko, bless her, was already activating her traps with the easy skill of four decades of hard-won experience; unfortunately, their attacker evaded them with an almost inhuman agility, using the staff of his naginata to tangle the wires and leap through the openings to come after Kagami.

Well, whoever their assailant was, he certainly recognized _Kagami_ , which wasn't really a surprise, but apparently not his wife, which _was_. People ignored Himiko as they dared - and not many cared to. He probably assumed the Third Hokage would be the greatest threat, and was acting accordingly after the failure of his sneak attack. Not a bad tactic, although Kagami had to question the self-preservation instincts of anyone going head-on with a Kage. Either their attacker was very stupid, or very good. As Kagami leaped away from another vicious stab, he had to admit it was probably the latter. Not many people trained with pole-arms these days; it was an older weapon, for older wars. Whoever this is, he was trained by a master, and he learned very, very well. 

Fortunately, it was also clear that he hadn't yet survived the mistakes that made one a master of an art. One of those mistakes was taking on two high-level nin with no back-up; the other was ignoring the trapping mistress in favor of the illusionist - and then not noticing the illusionist was leading him into a trap. The attacker made one final, impatient step into the crevice between two giant trees - and Himiko released her trap, right on cue. The naginata fell to the forest floor as the masked man was suddenly cocooned in dozens of wires between the trees. That wasn't the true danger, though. The true danger was Himiko, using her Magenkyo Sharingan to set every single wire she had in play alight with eternal black flame.

The forest exploded. That was really the only way to describe it. The forest bordering Mist might be wet and soggy, but it could not even _begin_ to dampen his wife's holy fire. Fifteen years ago, during the height of the second war, she had used this very technique to blow Hanzo the Salamander into about a hundred charred lumps. The trapped soldier _should_ have gone down just as easily; but instead, the fire _went right through him_.

Kagami didn't even blink, only ran for his wife as she reached a hand out toward him. Below them, the familiar weight of Susumu's chakra rose, unfocused, but very, very angry. The masked attacker was crouched on the ground, already scrabbling for a handhold on his polearm. Himiko's hand was shaking in his; she was no longer a young woman, and using the Magenkyo in such a way was more draining than it was in the past. Kagami, however, was still fine, and still had at least one trick up his sleeve. Somewhere, nearly 50 _ri_ almost directly west, there was a Leaf outpost, a relic from the first war when borders were far more fluid than today. Kagami thought of that outpost; the leaking roofs, the bad food, the stinking latrines he was _always_ being ordered to dig because of some stupid shit Shimura had gotten him into... he thought of them all, and he also thought of a seal he had made, a very long time ago under the supervision of his very exacting teacher.

Between one instant and the next, they arrived in the now-rotting ruins of the outpost, almost entirely consumed by the forest of the land of Fire. Kagami permitted himself one smile; it was true what Lord Tobirama had said, the seal never wore away. Himiko stumbled away from him and retched miserably by the side of the old mess hall. She'd always reacted poorly to sudden shifts in equilibrium. Kagami would hold her hair, except the last time he tried, she damn near removed his hand from his arm. Presently, she stood up, wiping her mouth with the back of her arm. 

"Tell me you saw that, too," she demanded, and Kagami grunted in agreement. There were a few droplets of blood below her right eye; Kagami cupped her face and tenderly wiped it away with his thumb.

"If you mean the fact that an unknown fighter just used an ability unique to the Magenkyo Sharingan to negate your attack - oh yes...I most certainly noticed that. We need to get back to Konoha right away and report to the Hokage," he said, tired as hell. 

He'd hoped his successor would have more time to settle in, but apparently, the world had other plans.

* * *

"Did you ever think we'd grow so old, Kagami?"

Kagami wouldn't have been surprised to hear such a question from Shimura, who vacillated between being contemplative or whiny about old age, depending on how his knees felt on a given morning. It was a bit out of character for Hiruzen, who always preferred to look on the brighter side of life.

"I never thought I'd live to be older than my father," Kagami said dryly. "But I passed that milestone about twenty years ago, and have enjoyed every year since, just as you have - so exactly what is bothering you, old friend?"

"Oh, nothing much," Hiruzen sighed. "Seiichi just eloped with the Amemiya girl. Trying to wrap my head around the fact I might very well be a grandfather soon."

On Kagami's other side, Mikoto, currently Kagami's third-favorite cousin, valiantly suppressed an amused smile.

"I don't think you need to worry about that, Professor," she said, getting to her feet.

"And why do you say that, Mikoto?" Hiruzen inquired. "Isn't the whole point of elopement to deal with life's little accidents?"

"I sometimes forget how old you two truly are," she lamented mildly, brow mildly wrinkled. "Seiichi and Tamiko are eloping because the war is winding down, but Tamiko doesn't want to deal with her mother micromanaging her wedding like she does everything else. She's _definitely_ not pregnant. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I need to supervise the children - the suppression seals are faltering again."

Hiruzen watched Mikoto walk away, waiting until she was out of earshot to mutter, "Why isn't she leading the Uchiha Clan, again?"

"Branch house member," Kagami shrugged. "Her son will be the next leader of the clan, and that's hardly a consolation prize."

"True," Hiruzen said, but it was obviously his mind had already turned back the trouble at hand - namely, the Nohara girl.

"Any luck with a more permanent solution to that massacre of a seal?" Kagami asked deliberately. "How many times can you slap a suppression seal on top of it before is shatters entirely? I'd like to know if I should start submitting evacuation plans at the next Council meeting."

Hiruzen makes a moue of distaste, absent-mindedly fiddling with a twig in his hand. "Jiraiya and Orochimaru have submitted a potential plan to Tsunade, pending her approval after Rin's next chakra coil examination. They're going to try to do a simultaneous sealing; Jiraiya unmakes as Orochimaru remakes, with Tsunade keeping the girl's chakra separate from the Isobu all the while. Minato had some interesting ideas about venting the yin and yang energy separately, but Tsunade refused to approve it until he could create a sturdier barrier against demonic chakra..."

Kagami let the words wash over him like a slow, warm, soporific wave. In many ways, Hashirama was one of the most gifted and brilliant minds of their generation - a double blessing, in fact, for he was just as good a teacher as he was a researcher. Kagami had no doubt that when histories were written of their era, the name Sarutobi Hiruzen would loom large...but gods above and below, he could really drone on when he wanted to!

On the other side of the training field, Kagami saw Mikoto turn and sedately walk back to their seating. The seal couldn't be too worn away, then, or she would have halted the children for the day. Beyond her, the Hatake boy and the Nohara girl restart the twelfth kata of the basic Academy style, this time at double-speed. Even half-blind, Hatake was preternaturally good as he went through the motions, every movement technically perfect. He was an ideal partner for Nohara. At this point, she had so little control over the new chakra in her coils, that if she actually landed a blow, she might very well kill her opponent - or blow off her own arm. 

"Honored Elder Cousin, are you _ignoring_ the great Professor Sarutobi?" Mikoto teasingly asked as she came closer. "I never thought I'd see the day!"

Kagami scowled, hearing more than seeing Hiruzen's laughter by his side. But before he can even open his mouth for a scathing lecture on respect for one's elders, Mikoto's eyes sharpened and she frowned as she looked past them. "Minato, why are you here? What's wrong?"

Kagami and Hiruzen both twisted around to look at the entrance to look behind them. Hiruzen's students (and their students, and their student's students) all seemed to have a large streak of whimsy hidden deep within - the Hatake boy's dogs were proof enough of that - but in Minato, it wasn't so much _hidden_. But the expression on his face was rather fierce and intense, given his usual demeanor.

Minato stopped near them, bowing first to Kagami, then Hiruzen, before turning to Mikoto. "I'm sorry, but could I borrow Rin and Kakashi for a moment? I have some news for them."

"Of course you can, Minato," Mikoto said, still a little off-kilter, and she raised a questioning eyebrow at Kagami and Hiruzen as the man strode over to the sparring pair. Hiruzen shrugged a little helplessly - apparently, he had no idea what was going on, either. Well, it couldn't be mission-related if Minato was going to speak to his students in the open like this...

"Guys, I've just gotten the most wonderful news!" Minato said eagerly, and without even waiting to see if his students were paying attention, he stated, "Kushina and I are having a baby!"

There was a moment of dead silence, and then Kagami heard Hatake shout "Rin, _NO_!" before a wave of terrible heat and light emanated from the girl.

* * *

It was a sorry crowd that walked towards the Hokage's office a spare hour later. Minato and Hiruzen had rushed Nohara to the warded surgery right after the incident, and even now, Tsunade was probably blistering her teammates' ears as they stabilized the seal _again_. Hopefully, she was directing some of her invective towards Minato, given how he had instigated the event in the first place. 

Kagami, Mikoto, and the Hatake boy were accompanied by three others instead: Akimichi Torifu (visibly steaming), Nara Shikaku (probably wishing he were anyplace but here) and Kato Shizune (profoundly unimpressed). Kato was at least being useful and doing a quick field check on Hatake. Mikoto was side-eyeing Shikaku with a particularly penetrating stare - some sort of old schoolyard rivalry if Kagami was recalling correctly. For his own part, Kagami firmly ignored Torifu stewing beside him. The man would say what he wanted to say in whatever place he wanted to say it, and Kagami would just have to stand there and take it.

Sure enough, once they crossed the threshold of the Hokage's private chamber, Torifu made a perfunctory bow of respect t the master, paying no mind to the honor guard, and then spun around to snap at Kagami. "What _happened_ out there? That training ground was created especially to deal with the chakra of the Nine-Tails, how the hell could Nohara _blow it up_?"

Hatake didn't do anything so obvious as verbally protest, but the boy tensed up like a stretched bowstring and glared at Torifu with his one dark eye. Mikoto didn't look much happier; she'd transferred her poisonous glare from Shikaku to Torifu, but Torifu paid both of them no mind: he'd been training with Danzo Shimura for over 40 decades, and no one in the five elemental countries, living or dead, could give a stink eye like him. 

"I need an explanation," he insisted. "That training ground was planned by the greatest sealing master of the Founding Era, and the Research Division inspects it every six months. What Nohara did _should not be possible_. So please, explain to me how she managed to do it under _your_ supervision?"

"I don't like your tone, Commander, and I humbly request you moderate it," Mikoto snapped irritably. "Neither of us was in any way negligent; Rin was doing fine under the suppression seals until Minato arrived. You should ask him how she did it, given he instigated the whole thing!"

Torifu was hardly mollified by that statement. "I plan to, as well as Hiruzen and Nohara herself," he growled. "But currently he - and every other person qualified to assist Tsunade - is acting in concert at the warded surgery, and I won't be able to interview him until they're through. In the meantime, I still need to interview the other witnesses, so-"

"Enough."

It was a single word, but it was enough to silence both the combatants. Kushina, Kagami thought wistfully, had really grown into her new role. Every time he'd seen her since the ascension ceremony, she'd grown more and more comfortable wearing the traditional robes of office. It was a good look on her.

"It strikes me," Kushina stated once she had the attention of everyone in the room, "that there was one other eyewitness who was closer to Rin than Minato. Isn't that right, Kakashi?"

The boy nodded sharply, and she grinned at him. "Good. Please report what happened to the best of your knowledge, Jounin Hatake."

Hatake was a good soldier, and had been a good soldier since the age of five; he straightened his back, stood at attention, and gave a textbook after-action report.

"At approximately two hours past noon today, Chuunin Nohara Rin and I met at restricted training ground 3WF. We were testing her current level of reflex readiness in preparation for re-certification under the supervision of jounin Uchiha Mikoto. Also in attendance were Director Sarutobi Hiruzen and former Hokage Uchiha Kagami," Hatake said, before pausing. He didn't look pained, but truthfully, Kagami barely knew the boy - certainly not well enough to tell when he was working through any amount of pain. Shizune, however, had years of hospital experience to fall on and expertly shoved a chair under his knees right as they buckled. When he tried to get up, the girl lightly placed one deceptively delicate hand on his shoulder, right next to his artery.

Hatake was no fool: he froze, then looked at Kushina beseechingly. The Hokage just smiled at him encouragingly. The boy only hesitated a moment more before continuing.

"We drilled in the academy style for about ninety minutes, advancing from the first to the twelfth form, with periodic interruptions from Jounin Uchiha. Upon commencing the twelfth form for the fourth time, Jounin Namikaze entered the training grounds and proceeded to halt our drills. Once we paused, he informed us of his and your upcoming child. Upon hearing this news, Chuunin Nohara had an unexpected break in control," he said, and at that point in the narrative, an uncharacteristic frown appeared on his brow.

The room waited while he gathered his thoughts; even Shikaku was paying attention at this point. Hatake had been right next to Nohara when she'd vented the chakra, but he'd escaped virtually unscathed from the experience, save for what appeared to be mild chakra exhaustion. Frankly, it was a miracle: he should be dead. 

"It's hard for me to explain," Hatake said, hesitating. "I could feel the Isobu's chakra welling up within her, so I took off my eyepatch and looked at her with the Sharingan when it exploded. I know Master Minato tried to grab me when he fled out of range, but he went right through me...and so did the chakra. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it's true. I just don't understand how it happened," he said, wondering.

Kushina and Kagami exchanged a glance, and Kagami gave her an infinitesimal nod of acknowledgment; Kushina then looked at Hatake and smiled. "I believe you, Kakashi. From what I've heard from my illustrious teacher, you've simply uncovered another talent of the Sharingan, one which may very well have saved your life. Thank you for the report," she concluded warmly. "Please report with Shizune to the hospital for a thorough inspection; I'm sure Rin's touch-ups will be complete by the time you're finished, and she'll want to see you when she wakes up."

And with that, the Hatake boy was dismissed. Kato, too much like her teacher for anyone's comfort, literally picked up the chair the boy was sitting in by the arms and walked out the door with him still in it. The sound of his feeble protests faded away. Once the children left, Kushina dropped her own smile, motioned for the guards to leave the room, and then raised some really quite excellent security seals. 

"Well? Has Kakashi managed to awaken the Magenkyo Sharingan?" she asked urgently. 

Mikoto didn't bother to prevaricate, just nodded tightly. Kagami didn't envy her; this was going to cause an uproar like no other at the next clan meeting.

"Great," Kushina said tightly. "Wonderful. Now he can kill himself by overworking even faster."

Torifu clicked his tongue against his teeth, and whip-fast, Kushina's attention turned to him. "Is there something you'd like to say, Commander?" she asked, venomously sweet.

"You coddle him," he rumbled, utterly unimpressed. "He can't join ANBU with you hovering over him like a-"

"-a woman? Yes, I'm aware of your opinions, Commander," Kushina snapped. "But you needn't worry about me hovering over him in ANBU, as I've already rejected his application."

Torifu clicked his tongue again and shook his head, but didn't say anything. Kushina waited another moment, just to be sure, then bared her teeth at him in a poor facsimile of a smile. "Please see yourself out, Commander. I know you have a busy schedule; I wouldn't want to keep you from it."

Torifu shrugged, and turned to leave. As he walked into the ante-chamber, she called out to him one more time. "Also, I expect that list of potential successors on my desk in two days, Commander. Mandatory retirement is less than two years away; I want to start the process of training your replacement sooner rather than later."

As Torifu's footsteps faded away, Kagami already resigned himself to at least one bitching session later in the week. Oh well. At least the food would be good. Shikaku wasn't nearly so blase; he had really profound look of exhaustion on his face, and with a few quick flicks of his fingers, shadows cocooned them all.

"Do you _have_ to provoke him at any opportunity, Kushina?" he asked plaintively. "I have to work with him almost every day, and he has _not_ been pleasant to work with since your ascension." 

"Was he ever?" Kushina asked flippantly. 

"Not that I have ever seen," Mikoto responded, just as flippantly. Kagami would be horrified at their disrespect, but the enmity between Torifu and Kushina's party was long-standing and almost impossible to mediate. As long as they don't snipe at each other in public, he'll consider it a job well-done.

"Children," he said wearily and pauses to ensure he has their attention. "In light of Kakashi's new ability, I think we need to consider excavating Uchiha Obito's body from that rockfall near the Kannabi Bridge."

"I agree," Mikoto stated plainly. "The results of my research are clear: he's the only Uchiha whose body has not been recovered in three decades. His is the body most likely to have been harvested by Kagami's mysterious _ashigaru_ ; confirmation would be invaluable."

"What, exactly, do you think we'll find from the boy's mangled corpse, Mikoto?" Shikaku asked, and flinched back as she turned to glare at him. "I'm not being disrespectful! But I was there when both Rin and Kakashi were debriefed by Intel, and Yamanaka Michi was very clear in her descriptions: it was a miracle Obito could even give consent to give away his remaining eye. Whatever was left under the rocks was turned to so much pulp, and it's been over a year since then. We'll be lucky to find his crushed bones."

Mikoto's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Kagami decided to step in before she literally murders the other man. "Does it matter, Shikaku? He's our kin, and a Konoha shinobi who died in the line of duty; if we can bring his body back home for honorable cremation, I would appreciate it. We do the same for any others when possible."

"And how are we going to do it? Iwa forces still control that part of Grass, and the peace negotiations are still in the early stages. I can't advise any kind of mission to that area until we get a peace treaty signed, and at the rate that's going, Kushina's child might very well be walking and talking at that point," Shikaku said. He looked quite exasperated.

"Well, maybe that's the answer!" Kushina exclaimed brightly. "I'll send some new directions to our beloved ambassador. Obito is hardly the only body I want to recover, and I'm sure we have more than a few corpses they'd like returned as well."

Shikaku sighed heavily. "Wonderful. I look forward to the angry ranting letters Ambassador Danzo will send to both Commander Akimichi and Lady Utanane. They will be _such_ a pleasure to work with over the next few months. Any chance that the honorable ambassador will be retiring as well?"

"Oh, I'm never letting Danzo retire," Kushina said, smiling impishly. "He's going to negotiate peace treaties until this damn war is officially over and after that, I'm going to make him do the whole thing over again with trade agreements. I'm never letting him have a single moment of rest ever again."

Well. That was one way to non-lethally neutralize a problem.

* * *

"All right, everyone who isn't supposed to be here, clear out!" Tsunade shouted into the room. "I'm inducing labor in five minutes, and I want everyone in their position by that time."

"All right, I suppose it's time for me to leave it to the professionals. Now, I'd tell you that it's going to be all right, but frankly, you probably know better than me what happens next," Kagami confessed, chuckling. "Himiko always kicked me out at this part."

"I remember when Shisui was born," Kushina replied, squeezing his hand in hers. "You were such a bother to her, but I thought it was strange when she kicked you out. It wasn't that frightening, though."

"I'd say it's a bit different when you're a man, but unfortunately, I know it's just me," he said, standing up. "Good luck, my dear. Remember that I'll be just outside the hospital, praying for you and the child."

"Oh, Master Kagami," she sighed, lips quirking affectionately. "It really will be fine. In just a few hours, I'm going to introduce you to the loudest kid in the Elemental Countries, you'll see."

Kagami could only smile at her a little helplessly before he left the room.

The west wing of the hospital was evacuated two days ago, and even now, Kagami could see containment seals activating as the teams dedicated to the wards began raising them. The honor guard was nowhere to be seen, but if Kagami had to take a guess, he would say Kushina had sent them home for the night. Childbirth was a danger that no guard can protect against, although that doesn't mean they won't try; if the signatures currently clustered on the roof weren't the current guard rotation, Kagami would eat his former hat. 

Well, Kushina had her husband with her, and the Legendary Numbskulls, and even Hiruzen was by her side: Kushina might very well get through this night intact. Still. _Still._ Kagami was not so old he couldn't linger outside the hospital garden awhile, at least until the babe was born. It was nice night; the moon was bright and clear in its waxing form and leaves rustled in the wind. Autumn had always been his favorite season; hopefully, Kushina's child will feel the same way. 

An hour later, right when the moon was at its zenith, an armored figure stepped out of thin air, carrying a naginata and wearing a mask. 

It was an understatement to say that Kagami was unpleasantly shocked and surprised: the issue of the potential bloodline thief had been on a backburner for months now, ever since excavations had turned up only some bloodied, half-rotten rags. That Uchiha Obito's body had been harvested was a given; the purpose, however, was still elusive. The Sharingan was hardly as stable as the Byakugan; implanting an active Sharingan into the socket of a non-Uchiha would be crippling in terms of the sheer chakra drain. Why would anyone risk it?

Right now, however, Kagami had a very bad idea of what that purpose was. Why risk it...unless you could use it to obtain power beyond all imagination?

"Good evening," Kagami said genially, pitching his voice so it could be heard in every corner of the grounds The masked man stood absolutely still, but Kagami was sure he was ready to attack as needed. "I must admit, I didn't quite have time to introduce myself last time we met. I am Uchiha Kagami, former leader of this village; may I have your name in return?"

"I'm Uchiha Madara," the masked figure fairly snarled at him, naginata already at the ready. "And _you_ are a traitor!"

Well. Very many things suddenly became clear. Kagami slowly smiled and didn't bother to hide it, enjoying how the figure fidgeted in confusion. "That's an interesting name to use, but not your true name, I think. I remember Madara Uchiha, and I remember what his eyes looked like as well; your eye isn't remotely similar."

The boy - because Kagami was increasingly convinced it was only a boy behind the mask - snarled at him again and tensed, Magenkyo spinning faster. It really did look identical to its twin...

"Ah! I wouldn't do that if I were you," Kagami said, conversationally. "Kushina is rather busy right now - childbirth tends to take all of a woman's attention - but I prepared a little guard of my own, just in case her guest decided to break free alongside the child. I never thought I'd need to use it on an intruder, though..."

And one by one, Kagami let the illusions blanketing the grounds fall. Danzo and Torifu had always sworn a blue streak when he used this on them, called it _cheating_ , of all things. Kagami preferred to think of it as cultivating a strength: the ability to be unseen, even in the sight of the Sharingan, was nothing to sneer at. As Uchiha after Uchiha suddenly appeared, finally visible to the naked eye, the boy flinched, uncertain, and as Kagami let the last two illusions fade, the masked figure couldn't quite choke back his gasp. On Kagami's right, stood Kakashi; on his left, stood Rin. Both of them were as strong and straight as new saplings. He was very proud of them.

"Chuunin Uchiha," he said mildly. "I think you should give us your report, now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Tobirama, but I will not stop laughing at the fact that he essentially chose his successor on a split-second whim. Here are some stories where that whim was quite different than canon...
> 
> I'm hanging out on tumblr as elenathehun - feel free to chat with me there. I spend most of my time raging about Kishimoto's poor narrative choices, crying about My Hero Academia, and reblogging pretty stuff.


	2. Lessons Not Learned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks." - Isaac Watts, 18th century Christian minister.

_A woman fierce and fair storms through the halls of the Hokage Tower, utterly incensed. Not so strange, for those leaving an audience with the Konoha Council. Trying to work with them is often an exercise frustration for even the most mild-mannered of people, and Senju Tsunade is many things, but calm is not one of them. She’s too well controlled to curse in public, but it’s a hard-fought battle: she’s bitten her lip until it bleeds, and clenched her fists so hard her fingernails have pierced the palms of her hands._

_She reaches an intersection in the tower and pauses a moment. Ahead is the exit to the village; to the right, the mission assignment room; to the left, a suite of offices for high-level shinobi who report directly to the Hokage. Tsunade visibly hesitates a moment longer, but no longer than that. With a shake of her head, she turns decisively to the left._

_Very few people are in their offices. Many of them are undoubtedly still in the Audience Chamber, listening to the next set of proposals; other are out of the Village, lending their talents to the ongoing war effort. Tsunade walks to one office in particular and opens the door - or rather, she tries. The doorknob begins glowing, seals inscribed in the metal burning brightly. Tsunade’s skin begins searing, but she just narrows her eyes before crushing the doorknob with her fist and shoving the door open with her shoulder._

_The office is small and cramped, mostly with the addition of what has to be hundreds of scrolls and books stored everyone in the room. Tsunade scoffs a bit once she realizes there are no other security measures aside from the doorknob, and goes to the small desk pushed into the corner, reading the scroll spread out over it before snorting derisively and rolling it up._

_“It’ll never work, the fifth declension is too unstable to act as an anchor,” she mutters as she shoves the scroll into a free nook and hops up to wait for the office’s permanent occupant to arrive. She knows she doesn’t need to wait long; in the meantime, she touches her sore lip and punctured palms with green-glowing hands and heals all her wounds in an instant. A moment after that, Tsunade hears a heavy sigh on the other side of the door._

_“Tsunade, how nice to see you,” Sarutobi Hiruzen says, a wry note in his voice as he pushes his ruined door open. “I wasn’t expecting to see you after the audience today.”_

_Tsunade makes a noncommittal sound, looking on with neutral eyes as her old genin instructor closes the door as best he can with no doorknob and no lock. Hiruzen pays her no mind - but then again, he never did._

_“I’m pretty sure the last time we spoke alone, it was at Nawaki’s funeral,” she says, almost idly. Hiruzen-sensei’s shoulders stiffen, and he suddenly looks at her with wary eyes. That was two years ago; they hadn’t parted on good terms._

_“...Yes, that sounds about right,” Hiruzen agrees. “After that, you requested an assignment on the western front, and you took Jiraiya and Orochimaru with you.”_

_There is a subtle note of disapproval in Hiruzen’s voice, and Tsunade has to firmly stamp down on the urge to laugh. Of course, he was upset about that; when had he ever not been? Her entire genin experience had been marked by the constant push-pull of their influence over the boys. When hers waxed full, his waned, and vice versa. It was ridiculous for a grown man nearly twenty years her senior to fight a six-year-old, but then again, no one had ever said Sarutobi Hiruzen was sensible._

_“Well, I’m not here to reminisce about the old days,” Tsunade said, not missing a beat. “I’ve come because I need your help, Sarutobi-sensei.”_

_Hiruzen blinked, rattled. Out of all the whole team, Tsunade was the only one who’d called him Hiruzen instead of Sarutobi; out of all of them, Tsunade was the only student Hiruzen hadn’t taken a personal hand in training, not really. Orochimaru and Jiraiya were orphans, with no family or friends in the world save for Hiruzen himself; Tsunade had the strength and knowledge of the Senju clan at her fingertips, ready and willing to teach their heir. He’d miscalculated, all those years ago; that was not the Senju way, not really. Tsunade’s terrible, awesome strength was all her own, and so was her taijutsu style, and so was her medical ninjutsu. Tsunade, more than anyone else, was a shining example of Senju fortitude and flexibility, that clan that conquered with a hundred skills, ninety-nine of them never-before-seen._

_“Your proposal to revamp the medic-nin program,” he finally responds, and she nods slowly in response._

_In another world, this conversation would never take place, because Hiruzen is the Hokage, and couldn’t appear to give into a student after refusing, no matter how favored the student was. (This never applies to Orochimaru; this never applies to Jiraiya. This is true in all worlds.) But in this world, Hiruzen is simply one of the Hokage’s trusted councilors, a man famed for his scholarship and education, but hardly a named a god among shinobi. This is a man experienced in politics rather than ruling, and that does make all the difference._

_This is the one thing Sarutobi has indubitably taught Tsunade: if a frontal attack fails, find an alternate means._

_“Sarutobi-sensei, huh?” he sighs at her clumsy attempt at flattery, but then smiles, amused despite himself. “You might as well call me Hiruzen because we’re going to working closely together for the next few months. Now, your plan isn’t bad, but you’re too ambitious too quickly. You don’t have the manpower to assign a medic to every team, but you do have…”_

* * *

_now_

"How long are you going to keep me here?"

Danzō was remarkably calm for a man currently bound, sealed, and caged in a cell reserved for only the most dangerous prisoners. It wasn’t unexpected, however. Danzō had always had an appetite for self-improvement; probably why he and Hiruzen got on so well. He’d grown up from the boy who’d explode at the least little obstacle in his path into a man with endless patience and calm. Torifu had thought it inspiring, once; now, after crawling through the catacombs hidden under the village for hours on end, he found the change in demeanor more than a little disturbing. 

"Not much longer, now," Torifu stated with finality. "We’ve already found your books, and Jiraiya has been forcibly recalled to look them over. I’m here because I want to know the reason _why_."

Danzō blinked a bit - at least he did with the eye that wasn't swollen shut. 

"I beg your pardon?" he asked. To a cursory observer, he looked bewildered and more than a bit lost. It was an excellent performance, Torifu would give him that. Danzō had always been absolutely superlative at playing dumb, or lame, or just a bit thick: perfect bait to draw enemy shinobi out, unaware that Torifu and Kagami were hidden to the side, ready to flank the enemy. Kagami had died many years ago, and their teamwork had never been quite the same - too disparate in power and range, too difficult to find a way to work together as they had before. 

If it was painful to consider the fact that Danzō was treating him like an enemy; it was even more painful to look back and realize that he’d started doing it years before, and Torifu simply _hadn’t noticed_. Torifu had always prided himself as one of Tobirama’s more observant students, and it hurt to realize that he’d missed something obvious all along, something he might have repaired if only he’d been paying attention.

"I know about Yakushi Nonō," Torifu irritably replied. "So stop playing dumb and talk."

* * *

_then_

Tsunade was eating dinner with Kushina and Shizune when she felt an intruder trip the third set of alarm wards of her home. Tsunade just rolled her shoulders back to silence the alarm, then lifted her soup bowl to her lips so she could slurp down the rest of the broth. She only got to eat with the girls maybe every one day out of every seven, and Tsunade was well aware of the importance of sharing food with one's family. Her own mother had always been very particular about that as a bonding activity, and now, with the benefit of age and experience, Tsunade couldn't say she was wrong. 

Anyway, that _particular_ set of wards had been a joint project between her and Orochimaru, a year ago when they’d returned to the village from the war. She’d been a little bloodthirsty at the time of creation, so the intruder wasn't going anywhere; they would need medical attention, more likely than not. Her uninvited guests could wait until she had time to deal with them properly.

"Thanks for taking us out for lunch, auntie," Shizune chirped happily, pushing her empty bowl away. Kushina didn't pause as she slurped down what remained of her sixth bowl, but then again, Tsunade didn't expect her to - the girl had inherited the Uzumaki tunnel vision in full, and then some.

"You're welcome, Shizune," Tsunade replied, combing her niece's dark hair off her face with her fingers. The girl just waited patiently under her hands, looking up at her with shining eyes. It was sweet, and more than a little flattering, how much the girl looked up to her. "Now, why don't you and Kushina go to that new moving pictures theater off in the second ward? People keep telling me how good it is at work."

"Yeah, Namikaze saw it with Shiokawa and Taniguchi," Kushina said, finally turning towards Tsunade as she rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. "He's been nagging everyone to go and see it too; says he wants to talk about it, but can't until we see it first."

"Well, here's your chance," Tsunade said and held out a 5- _sen_ note to her cousin. "Take Shizune, have a good time. Go to Grandmother's house afterward; I'll meet you there later and we'll make it a girls' night."

"Girls' night, huh?" Kushina said, violet eyes unexpectedly shrewd. Tsunade hadn’t known the girl very long, but it hadn’t taken much time at all to see Kushina was smarter than she let on. "All right, we’ll see you then. C'mon Shizune, let's go! I think the afternoon show starts in twenty minutes."

Tsunade kept an eye on the two girls as they walked in the opposite direction, and then turned toward her own home near the center of the village, on the outskirts of the old Senju grounds. Not many of the clan still lived there; not many of the clan still _lived_. But there were enough of her family still alive for the place to still feel like a home and not a haunt. Not many people were out and about at this time of day - everyone was on missions, or running errands, or inside napping through the summer heat. 

Tsunade's house looked quite ordinary from the outside. It looked quite ordinary on the inside, too. Such was the nature of a deadly trap. The first wards were keyed to the boundary lines, the second to the lintels of her doors and windows, and the third wards were keyed to the fusuma rails. Tsunade had used her native lightning nature to set a trap to shock any intruder not keyed to her home - and that was a very small list. Orochimaru's little ANBU proteges were still cursing his name for using her house as a training challenge - not a single person had managed to breach all five levels yet, and he could be quite creative in his punishments for failure.

So Tsunade had expected to find yet another unconscious body to lug out of her receiving room, but nobody was lying there on the ground there. Actually, someone _had_ been there - several someones, Tsunade realized as she peered at faint scuff marks on her floor - but they'd been dragged further into her house. Not ANBU, then; if they could still move, they knew better than to try and beg for treatment from her after failing a test. They'd have crawled back to Orochimaru by now for punishment.

Fists at the ready, Tsunade carefully walked into her dining room, only to stop short. Four men were tightly bound and harshly gagged; all four were propped against the interior wall, and Yakushi Nonō was kneeling in the precise center of the room. As soon as she saw Tsunade, the other woman genuflected deeply, touching her forehead to the floor. 

"Lady Tsunade," she murmured. Her voice was just as Tsunade remembered from the last time she’d heard her: a little sweet, a little solemn. It had sounded through the battlefield like a temple bell. "I'm sorry to invade your home, but I've been given orders that conflict with my current mission. I was hoping you could clear up my chain of command?"

* * *

_now_

Of course he wouldn't talk. That would be the easy path, and Danzō never took the easy path if he could help it.

"I would ask if you have a seal on your tongue, like the men Tsunade turned over to me, but we already checked," Torifu said, smirking a little. "It's a brave man who inks his own tongue and seals his own secrets; you really went all out. That's something I've always admired about you, you know."

Danzō didn't move, but it didn't matter. Torifu could feel his full attention, focused completely on him. The potency of his glare felt a little like being speared through the gut. 

"I've always admired your intensity of purpose. It's a shame you've used it to suborn my powers, but, well, I suppose I have only myself to blame for that. When I ordered you to create ROOT, I thought I was bolstering our manpower through alternate means; I didn't think I was giving you the power to create a private army. I certainly didn’t give you the authority to divert my soldiers from their assigned tasks, so I’ll ask once again: tell me about Yakushi Nonō."

* * *

_then_

Tsunade entered ANBU HQ the way she always did - through the publically accessible "front door" in the seventh ward. It was a rather boring looking administration building innocuously titled "Department of Public Health and Sanitation", which offered a rather good explanation for all the mild-looking chuunin going and out of the building at all hours of the day and night. It helped that the Hokage had declared a public campaign to eradicate cholera in the next five years; made Tsunade's coming and goings all the more ordinary, given that she was spearheading the effort.

"Lady Tsunade," the clerk at the front said attentively. "I wasn't expecting you at this time of day-"

Tsunade didn’t even bother to look at the clerk before striding through the doors to the rest of the compound. Dan, walking by her side, was struggling not to laugh. Nonō, on her other side, was less amused, not that it was easy to tell on her dull, plain face. Tsunade truly could not remember the last time she’d met someone with the ability to feel so innocuous and easy-to-overlook; she’d met civilians with more presence! Obviously, Danzō could not be allowed to get away with poaching her medics, but she could see why he wanted the other woman’s skills so badly... 

"Goodness, I haven’t seen an attitude like that since the last time we visited the capital," Dan said, still trying to hide his smile. "I know you don't treat the orderlies at the hospital like that - is there a reason you're doing it here?"

"The orderlies know better than to cross me," Tsunade said in a brisk tone, never once breaking pace. "Every person here thinks medical care is beneath them; kindness will just encourage them. I want them to fear my wrath instead."

"I guess that explains our increased compliance rate over the last few years," Dan mused as they turn a corner into a stairwell. "Are you sure it doesn't have anything to do with your quarterly budget showdown with Danzō?"

Tsunade lifted one shoulder carelessly, still walking down flights and flights of stairs, deeper into the earth. "I can't confirm or deny that," she said, but she didn't bother to hide her own smirk. "Anyway, we're almost here."

"And where is _here_?" Dan questioned, a little skeptical. "I've been to Orochimaru's lab before, it's in the medical research wing of the hospital, on the second floor."

"That's just his public work area," Tsunade said. "He and I both have labs here, and in other locations, for work that is too...delicate for outside interference. If he's not here, we'll check those next."

"Is there a reason I don't get a special lab?" Dan wondered aloud.

"Dear, when you want to play with Class Three limited substances, you're free to join me," Tsunade says lightly, pushing open a door with her shoulder and walking through. "We just started working on a new toxin from castor bean seeds. Slow-acting, incurable, and easy to produce: all things Lord Torifu is currently interested in."

"I'll pass," Dan said with a grimace. "I would prefer to work with the new trainees. I think you should, too - I've found more than a few you might be able to train in taijutsu."

Tsunade halted in front of a plain wooden door, before turning to look back at Dan. “I'll look them over next...Wednesday. I have a meeting with the council at three, but I'm free after lunch until then - time enough to look our prospects over. You should come, too, Nonō; bring your apprentice! Both of you might learn something."

And with that, Tsunade turned back to the door and briskly opened it. There were seals on the doorknob, but they were quiescent under the chakra in her hands - just the standard ones used all through the complex. On the other side of the door was Orochimaru, already at work for the day, and at his side...

"Isn’t that Nonō's apprentice?" Dan murmured at her back. It certainly looked like Nonō's apprentice, a young boy with the gangly look of someone finishing a major growth spurt. He was rather ably assisting Orochimaru in what looked to be a standard dissection. Nonō had already rushed over and grabbed the boy, clutching him to her body with all her might. A part of Tsunade twinged at that, but only a part; most of her was simply glad to reunite the master and student.

"Tsunade?" Orochimaru questioned. "Dan? Has something gone wrong?"

"Oh, I was hoping you could help me find a wayward apprentice - I see you already found him for me, however," Tsunade said, shrugging. “Would you like to explain why you recruited him the first place? Last time I checked, ANBU had age minimums for a _reason_.”

* * *

_now_

“You know, you might have gotten away with your assignment poaching if you’d stuck to anyone other than the medics. I empowered Tsunade to oversee the whole reform of the structure, and she really does take her responsibilities seriously,” Torifu stated. “And she’s not afraid of you, either. I’m not sure she’s afraid of anything.”

Danzō huffed a bit, finally letting the mask drop. He pushed himself up against the bars of his cell and finally looked Torifu in the eye, a sour cast twisting the lines of his face into something almost unrecognizable.

Almost.

“Why bother asking if you already know the answer?” he asked bitterly. “I reassigned Yakushi because she was one of my original recruits - she could do more good in spycraft than she can in running an _orphanage_.”

Torifu let the final bilious word echo around the room. He didn’t speak until silence had settled back around them, muffling even the irregular sounds of Danzō’s labored breath.

“You could have spoken to me about it,” Torifu replied, voice taut. “We could have discussed the matter and come to a decision together. Didn’t you learn _anything_ from our teacher? Or were you simply repeating the words without truly hearing the lesson? **Teamwork requires trust!** ” 

* * *

_now_

It had been nearly twelve minutes since they’d started running, and most of Tsunade’s first-hand knowledge of ROOT could be summed as a) well-trained in infiltration protocols, but b) absolutely terrible at frontal assault and c) surprisingly good stamina, as well as d) excellent infrastructure. When had Danzō had the time to build all this stuff, anyway?

"During the war," Orochimaru heaved, looking a bit peaky. "When they were building the shelters, you know-"

"Well, now Danzō's insistence on overseeing the infrastructure fund makes sense," Tsunade said, barely out of breath. On the other side of her, Dan was starting to pant as they ran down the corridors, and Tsunade made a note to have him attend her taijutsu seminars as well. Nonō, at least, was keeping up. Kabuto was cradled safely within her arms, of course - a child couldn't be expected to keep up with four senior jounin sprinting all out, not that Nonō would have allowed him to try, anyway. "I just thought the bastard was embezzling it for prostitutes or drugs - you know, something normal."

"No such luck," Orochimaru said, coughing a bit. Make that two for Tsunade's future taijutsu seminar. "It was all coming here, instead. Another fifty feet, and we'll come out at the third ward entrance; they won't follow us into the streets."

"Good," Tsunade grunted, and put on a burst of speed, punching the door clean off its hinges, Nonō and Orochimaru right on her heels, Dan covering their retreat. All three of them scattered to the side as soon as they cleared the door, and Tsunade spun around and threw the door right back at the opening, slamming it shut. Nonō's little boy gasped at the display, clearly amazed, and Tsunade grinned, flexing a little for her audience. 

"Impressive, isn't she, Kabuto?" Orochimaru said smoothly. Nonō was frowning deeply at him, clearly still upset about his part in her student’s kidnapping, and she twisted her body in front of the boy, blocking him from Orochimaru’s view. "I did say Konoha's medic-nin are our greatest strength."

"Stop trying to flatter me," Tsunade snapped, turning on him in a split-second. "I'm still angry with you. You and I are going back in to clean this mess up, and Dan-"

"-is coming with you, of course," Dan said. Tsunade didn’t need to see his face to know that he meant it, too: she’d heard that particular tone before, mostly when they’d done the long, hard work of convincing the Hokage their plan to revolutionize the Medic Corps was both feasible and necessary for victory in the war, and then many times later when they met with the Council, again and again, pushing through the reforms necessary for change. "But I won’t leave Nonō and Kabuto without _some_ protection, at least. Now that we're in the village proper, I can utilize one of my other techniques."

And with that, he bit on his thumb and made the seal for the summoning contract. In a puff of smoke, a baker’s dozen of pigs poofed into existence around him, all of them dressed in exquisitely tailored clothes and snuffling anxiously. One of them, a large board dressed in a fine green surcoat, started grumbling at him, and Dan knelt down to murmur back to him, smiling softly as the pig nuzzled the palms of his hands. Kabuto was petting one of the other pigs, a rather pleasant looking female with a red coat and pearls. Her eyes were half-closed as she grunted with pleasure, and the boy looked simply ecstatic as she leaned against him.

Orochimaru, Tsunade saw, was rolling his eyes at the scene. She flicked him in the ribs with just a hint of her strength, and he subsided, a bit sullenly in Tsunade's considered opinion. Obviously, he still wasn't aware of just how pissed she was; that was fine, she'd have plenty of time after they found Danzō to make it explicitly clear. He was going to be on her shit list for _years_ , at this point. Not as many as Jiraiya, still wandering around the wasteland called Rain for some kind of stupid penance, but a good long time, at least.

"All right, we're ready to go," Dan said decisively, and all around him, the pigs transformed into exact copies of Nonō and Kabuto. A shell game, but one he and the pigs were well-practiced at. Tsunade had seen him pull the same trick multiple times during the war, and it was a rare shinobi indeed that was able to find the hidden target. As one, all the Kabutos climbed on the Nonōs’ backs. It would have been perfect, if only the actual woman hadn’t spoken.

"Tsunade - if I don't see you in an hour, I'm getting the entire on-call surgical rotation and coming after you!" she said, a fierce light in her eyes, and all the false-Nonōs grumbled in unison before pulling her to the center and milling about. Once again, the real Nonō was lost in the crowd of uncanny mimics, and in another moment, all the Nonōs took off for different parts of the village.

“Not very clever, is she?” Orochimaru said acidly.

Tsunade just grinned indulgently before looking at him sidelong. “Oh, I don’t know: she was smart enough to come and find me, wasn’t she?”

Dan laughed before turning back to the door, the little pig with the red coat and pearls trotting after him. Tsunade tugged at Orochimaru's arm, pulling him back towards the entrance. A couple of ROOT agents were already lurking behind it, and Tsunade had no intention of letting them escape and warn Danzō of what was coming for him. Another quick kick-punch combo at the pavement and Tsunade sent a piece of it flying towards the precariously placed door. The ROOT agents didn’t have a chance: they were all slammed against the corridor wall once the door went through the lintel.

“You know, if Jiraiya were here, it would be just like old times,” Orochimaru mused as they walked through the thoroughly ruined lintel.

Tsunade looked at Dan and his pig, triaging the ROOT agents for treatment, and then looked back at Orochimaru, catching his eyes with her own. 

“I think this is better than the old days,” she said sincerely and smiled at him when he took a startled step back when he heard her words. “Now we’ll have a cool story to rub in his face when he comes home.”

“Orochimaru, you wouldn’t happen to have anything that belongs to Danzō on you, would you? Something with his scent?” Dan asked absentmindedly, chakra-cloaked hand resting against the side of one agent’s head. “Because TonTon here would love to help us find him.”

Orochimaru held Tsunade’s eyes another instant, and then he _smiled back_ , and Tsunade’s own smile turned into an all-out grin. Like she’d said: better than the old days by far, even if she was still pissed at him.

“I’m sorry, Dan, I don’t have anything on me, but if you check the one in the middle, he might have his orders for the day. If he bled all over them, there are other people we can check.”

Tsunade popped her knuckles and leaned against the wall while Dan and Orochimaru started picking through the agent in question’s gear. Twenty minutes since they'd started running. Tsunade planned to wrap this up within the next half hour. After all, she'd promised the girls they'd have a night out, hadn't she? And Tsunade never went back on her promises.

* * *

_now_

After Torifu’s last shouted exclamation, the cell was silent for a good long time.

"Well, I can't fault the Senju girl's technique," Danzō finally ground out. "It's flawless at close range."

"I suppose it doesn't help that she had her husband and teammate with her, to cover any gaps in the coverage," Torifu said, deflating a bit. Danzō was never going to tell him why he betrayed him; it was possibly he didn’t even know himself. ROOT’s recruitment thus far had been scattered and ineffectual, hardly a hallmark of Danzō’s work over the years, and no one else had any amount of clout in the organization, not even Orochimaru. "But I'm sure by now you've already dissected the whole battle in your head, trying to figure out how you could have won."

"I couldn't have," Danzō replied. "Not against all three of them."

Torifu sighed deeply but didn’t bother responding. It was clear Danzō didn’t even understand why Torifu was angry. That was an issue for the Master himself to address in the afterlife, if such a place even existed. Torifu had always hoped it did; he’d always thought Master Tobirama, of all people, deserved to end up in a good one.

"Tsunade," Danzō said suddenly. "You've already decided she's going to be the Fourth." 

"Can you think of a better candidate?" Torifu says curiously. "She's a war hero; her techniques have revolutionized the medical field, and she’s personally done more than any genius general to minimize casualties, both on the battlefield and off. Our forces have been depleted, to be sure, but the war is over, and we have time to recover, mostly because of her and her husband."

"No," Danzō whispers. "She's the best choice; she'll do what needs to be done."

And for the first time all night, Torifu smiled at his old teammate. 

"You know, I'm honestly glad you said that," he said sincerely. "I'm angry with you for being an utter fool, but I'm still going to miss you when you're gone."

"Yet I am still being executed in the morning," Danzō said bleakly.

Torifu huffed out a sigh and nodded once with purpose. "Yes. You were creating an army under my very _nose_ , Danzō, one loyal only to you. And the things you were teaching them... well, I can't imagine Master Tobirama would be happy. He would never have accepted this if he were still alive."

But Danzō was silent and still, his good eye still focused on something through the wall, on a vision Torifu could not see.

"You're a traitor, but in the morning, you’ll have the same choice all traitors do - by your own hand, or mine." Torifu didn’t bother to make sure Danzō was looking him in the eyes; the other man can still hear, no matter that his face was turned towards the wall. "Which will you choose?"

* * *

_later_

He chose to die by his own hand, of course. A sharp blade and a swift cut were the only kindnesses Torifu could give him. The head would go on public display, no matter what. Treachery, of all possible crimes, cannot be borne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this was like pulling teeth. Originally, this outline was going to feature Danzo in prison, Hiruzen dead, Orochimaru on the run, and the Hokage Tower blowing up. As you can see, only one of the four things made it to the final draft. For the purposes of this story, I've aged up Kabuto. His [convoluted and somewhat asinine backstory](https://elenathehun.tumblr.com/post/147757372370/kabutos-backstory-makes-no-damn-sense-yall) is easier to write when he's older instead of younger than Kakashi, so in this universe, he's a few years younger than Kushina's generation, found in the aftermath of the Second GNW.
> 
> Next Chapter: "Make the Rubble Bounce", where Leaf invades Rain, and isn't very nice about it.


End file.
